It was pointed out to me this weekend that it’s pretty easy to gauge my mood by my blog… if I’m not here posting, I’m probably hiding out in misery. I didn’t mean to be so transparent!
I’ve had a very rough time, emotionally, since getting the news of our delay. But I’m pulling through it now and back to mostly-normal.
JediBoy and I had a great day up until about 3:30. Before that, we read (a book of folktales called Crow & Fox and Magic Tree House #32), listened to music (Goin’ to the Zoo by Tom Paxton), played a game (Listening Lotto) and had lots and lots of imaginary play together.
We listened to an audio version of We’re Going on a Bear Hunt (Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury) and acted it out using our playsilks as the swishy swashy grass, river, mud, forest, snowstorm, etc. We had a delightful time acting/dancing and I loved the way JediBoy’s eyes flashed with delight as we played. That evolved into pretending we were bears, using the playsilks as a river, a fire, a blueberry bush, and making a cave from pillows and blankets. We did this for hours, and JediBoy thought my complete attention in his favorite play was marvelous. We spent half an hour walking/biking a mile on our Rail Trail and time after that playing at the attached playground. We watched a bunny, butterflies and a female cardinal and picked sumac.
We came home and were drawing Going on a Bear Hunt pictures when JediBoy hit emotional overload. He looked at his drawing, then mine, and sadly said, “I’m not a good drawer. I’m not as good as you.”
I don’t have words to describe the emotional turmoil that followed. He was in turns telling me he was embarrassed, screaming (no words, just raw emotion), telling me it was no fair, walking away from me, coming back, kicking the crayons, hitting the pillows, crumpling the papers. At first, I tried my usual reaction to his perfectionism, which is to matter-of-factly remind him of how much fun we were having, and that he does just fine for a five-year-old, and that I will always love him no matter what he can or cannot do. As his emotions escalated, I tried empathy. I really and truly felt where he was coming from on this one - PisecoSis has incredible artistic talent and I have, er, not. It bothered me a lot, growing up. So I tried to tell him about that, and how it made me feel, and how I worked through it. But the empathic talk wasn’t helping, it wasn’t slowing the escalation. I switched gears and tried working with him to just be calm, to take deep breaths, to look out the window and think of something else. The calming techniques came too late, and did too little. Eventually he was so frustrated he started taking his anger out on me, and that’s when I walked him up to his bed, told him he needed to find a way to calm down, and walked away.
The screaming and crying continued for about five minutes, and then stopped.
He was asleep.
So. Was all this because he was overtired and not processing? Last week he did have a 14 hour night, a 12 hour night and at least one 11 hour night, all long for him. He’s been eating extra as well, so he’s probably gearing up for growth, which can also be hard on coping skills. If so, how do I manage our lives through this growing time so that he doesn’t meltdown like this?
Did I say I was getting better? I am, even with this. Here’s the darling “girl bear” JediBoy drew first. Her name is Sweetie, and she’s in his current favorite drawing style - multicolored lines. She’s in a cave, and that’s a blueberry bush outside it.
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